February 2012
1 post
“and for my next act, I shall explore how entertaining math can be, high.”
– me. 5am.
August 2011
3 posts
Quarter life crisis?
I always told myself I would be pretty cute at least until I was about 35. Things I have taken into consideration to come to such conclusion have been the way my mother has gracefully aged over the years versus her major life traumatizations, and the fact that I am still being carded for lottery tickets a month shy of turning 24. Unfortunately, I feel I have finally come to a crossroads where I...
May 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
“I like taking the people mover, you can capture great pictures of Miami from up...”
– Camila R. with a straight face
December 2010
2 posts
September 2010
1 post
“It feels as if my brother hosted a private seminar for my boyfriend and roommate...”
August 2010
1 post
On the way home...
Me: You know 70% of house guests you invite into your home end up snooping in your medicine cabinet?
Ryan: For real? Then I'm gonna start keeping weird shit in there on purpose!
Me: Like what?
Ryan: I don't know, how about a pregnancy test and a clothes hanger?
March 2010
6 posts
I will never
Be as happy or sleep as comfortably as Brenda’s dog.
Owned.
Brenda: What's Arequipe?
Brigitte: It's like the Colombian's Dulce de Leche
Brenda: Whats the difference?
Brigitte: I don't know...I guess Arequipe comes from Colombian cows and Dulce de Leche comes from Argentinian cows.
Brenda: Argentina has great cows!
Brigitte: Well then why is Arequipe sooo much better?
Brenda: Probably cause Colombian Cows have fake tits...
“Franky Arriola is the boy who cried cougar.”
– Franky Arriola
February 2010
12 posts
I'd like to take a moment and give thanks to all...
-The woman who decided to continue living in the house I was going to rent starting March 1st.
-The VIP waitress who will probably triple what I make all week in one night that found it necessary to take my thirty dollars because “there was still half the bottle left”.
- My mother for sending me a stupid fucking e-card.
- Pennsylvania tag agancy for being as pleasant as herpes.
-...
Seriously...
Dear Purdy Pool Table,
You serve no purpose. All you do is impede in my mobility. You couldn’t be more awkwardly placed. There aren’t many things in this world that I would genuinely enjoy setting on fire, but you my friend are definitely one of them. Please turn into a couch or a regular table or a mechanical bull soonish. Thanks
Dear Purdy Pool Table Users,
You are all a bunch of...
January 2010
24 posts
♥
Me: Stop deleting my number!
Him: Stop giving me false hope!
“Brig being single is like being a peacock, you gotta strut your feathers to...”
– My dear friend Jhonathan who just proposed to his mate.
Don't send your ex's friend requests.
“dont ever friend request me again. i want nothing to do with you. your a whore and i’m so happy i got rid of you when i did. you act like a whore, your job is to be one, and your life is a downward spiral. may you rot in hell.” - 5:23am The Ex.
This might really suck.
I am pretty sure- I am positive my computer has a virus. I blamed it’s delayed powering on habits on old age, but I am starting to slowly navigate out of denial and into reaction mode. As I was surfing the net (googling stupid shit people do to their dogs and other pets they obtain in efforts to push back the idea of procreating) my computer starts making gnarly ass noises. The screen flickers,...
Casting for the bad girls club
Bren: I don't think I am going to do it when I turn 21. I don't want to destroy my image
Brig: Well, I don't really care about that cause I would probably just be the sarcastic cynical bitch in the corner commentating the entire show.
Bren: Sooooo what you're saying is, you'd just be yourself.
1: 48am Alberto: so apparently i got blackout drunk last night
1: 50am Brigitte: did you hear you did anything terribly stupid or threatening to your rep/man hood?
or u just passed out?
1: 50am Alberto: nah, i was teetering between conscienceless and drunk guy but i held my composure...
didnt molest any grls
didnt offend anybody
1: 52am Brigitte: i hate teetering
1: 52am Alberto: right??
1: 52am Brigitte: so totally. Give me one or the other, ya know?
1: 52am Alberto: exactly
